Friday, May 30, 2008 11:01 PM ♥


I HATE MYSELF FROM BEING SO WEAK!!!!!!!! My emotion goes up and down, like taking a roller coaster ride. I scream, i laughed, no control of my feelings. If my life is going to continue this way, i see no point. I do not understand why am i living for others? Already losing my control in my emotion, i am expected to give up more. I want to be in control of my life. I felt that i am just like a puppet, every of my movements are being control. What is liberty all about? Everyday is just fearful for me, i got to live under people's expectation of me. I have the sudden urge to run away from home. Not with any packing, but just with my wallet and my phone. I just want to run away with all the expectation, living a non-stressful life. I wan t to run away from the people i know, to an unfamiliar environment. I hate the truth, i hate the reality. Reality is always so hurtful.I hate myself from being a coward, a loser, i simply hate myself. I cried. I cried because i pity myself. Perhaps running away from the reality allow my wounds to recover, to be like myself. I used to put on a smile everyday when i woke up, but now, i no longer do that. It is sad for me to say that i have to cheer myself up. I shall hide myself from the world of lie, pain, fear... ... Perhaps my heart was once broken, shattered into thousand of pieces. I no longer can open up my heart to people around me. Maybe this is a fear that develop in me, i fear to get hurt again. What is really wrong with me?

-qi
(i need anti-depressant!)

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