Thursday, May 29, 2008 
11:06 AM ♥
I have just woke up no long ago. I cried again, after reading some blogs. I am really afraid of myself. I do not know when i cry, when i smile, or what will i do? I am not in control of my life, my emotions are. With lots of things happening in the care-group, i am unwilling to trouble any leaders any more. Now, i have no motivation to do anything, not even studying or whatever. I fear the dark, the night. It is the time that i have to battle the negative thoughtd myself, which i tend to give up. What am i fighting for? I cannot see what GOD has done to help me. What is it that he has done? I am just like a body without a soul, i am not me. If my life is all about suffering, then take me away... ... I hate to lose control of myself and cut myself. But what i can do to numb myself? I hate the world!
I understand that i have hurt a lot of people. These people includes my family, shepherd, shepherd's lao da and many more... I hate to hurt this people because they are close to me, they are those who do not give me up. I really felt sorry to them. I am trying to stay away from home a few days, trying to stabilise my emotions. Why can i stay? Really do not know where. I am giving myself the last chance of my life, if i do not make it this time... ... i am prepared to vanish from their sight...
-qi
♡ 
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Thursday, May 29, 2008 11:06 AM ♥
I have just woke up no long ago. I cried again, after reading some blogs. I am really afraid of myself. I do not know when i cry, when i smile, or what will i do? I am not in control of my life, my emotions are. With lots of things happening in the care-group, i am unwilling to trouble any leaders any more. Now, i have no motivation to do anything, not even studying or whatever. I fear the dark, the night. It is the time that i have to battle the negative thoughtd myself, which i tend to give up. What am i fighting for? I cannot see what GOD has done to help me. What is it that he has done? I am just like a body without a soul, i am not me. If my life is all about suffering, then take me away... ... I hate to lose control of myself and cut myself. But what i can do to numb myself? I hate the world!
I understand that i have hurt a lot of people. These people includes my family, shepherd, shepherd's lao da and many more... I hate to hurt this people because they are close to me, they are those who do not give me up. I really felt sorry to them. I am trying to stay away from home a few days, trying to stabilise my emotions. Why can i stay? Really do not know where. I am giving myself the last chance of my life, if i do not make it this time... ... i am prepared to vanish from their sight...
-qi
♡
February 2006