Monday, May 26, 2008 
4:58 PM ♥
I have not been able to sleep well over the past few days. I have been over-relying on pills to get me to sleep. Of course! Not sleeping pills, it requires doctor's prescription. It is the ultimate Panadol and flu medicine. I really have a very bad headache this days that makes it unbearable for me to sleep. I did much crying bacause of that. The flu medicine did a lot of help in getting me to sleep, it will help me turn on my 'sleeping' mode. Perhaps i am sort of too rely on this medicine that i cannot live without them. Yesterday night was really terrible, i just cannot sleep. Even though i prayed very hard, but it still failed. I still have to take my Panadol to sleep. What is going wrong? So, i was really very tired this morning and really do not want to go school. Today's lectures were quite long and boring, really lose to mood to do anything. Unfortunately, the devil still strike on me again this very afternoon. I can feel that i am losing myself already. And all of a sudden, i bought a new pen kinfe. I have a bad feeling about all this... ... maybe everything is coming to an end soon. I always have this feeling that i will not live to my 18's birthday, perhaps it is really true? I am sort of trying to overcome this problem, but my effort seems to have gone down to drain. I cut myself again, not very deep. I cannot believe that i cannot find a sharp pen knife at home. So, i guess i bought a new one, but it is still not used yet.
Why God is so cruel? Why did he send all this disasters to the people? Reading the newspaper everyday, there are lots and lots of people dying out there. Is the consequence too severe? It is too harsh to the people? I am losing my faith in Him... ...It seems that every scar that leaves of my hand reminds me of the sufferings i am facing now. The physical pain i have to bear is really better than the emotional pain that is inflicted on me. How i wish everything can end, ending every problem that i have to face ends... ...maybe this is going to be the time when i enjoy PEACE... ...too loss for words.
-siqi
♡ 
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Monday, May 26, 2008 4:58 PM ♥
I have not been able to sleep well over the past few days. I have been over-relying on pills to get me to sleep. Of course! Not sleeping pills, it requires doctor's prescription. It is the ultimate Panadol and flu medicine. I really have a very bad headache this days that makes it unbearable for me to sleep. I did much crying bacause of that. The flu medicine did a lot of help in getting me to sleep, it will help me turn on my 'sleeping' mode. Perhaps i am sort of too rely on this medicine that i cannot live without them. Yesterday night was really terrible, i just cannot sleep. Even though i prayed very hard, but it still failed. I still have to take my Panadol to sleep. What is going wrong? So, i was really very tired this morning and really do not want to go school. Today's lectures were quite long and boring, really lose to mood to do anything. Unfortunately, the devil still strike on me again this very afternoon. I can feel that i am losing myself already. And all of a sudden, i bought a new pen kinfe. I have a bad feeling about all this... ... maybe everything is coming to an end soon. I always have this feeling that i will not live to my 18's birthday, perhaps it is really true? I am sort of trying to overcome this problem, but my effort seems to have gone down to drain. I cut myself again, not very deep. I cannot believe that i cannot find a sharp pen knife at home. So, i guess i bought a new one, but it is still not used yet.
Why God is so cruel? Why did he send all this disasters to the people? Reading the newspaper everyday, there are lots and lots of people dying out there. Is the consequence too severe? It is too harsh to the people? I am losing my faith in Him... ...It seems that every scar that leaves of my hand reminds me of the sufferings i am facing now. The physical pain i have to bear is really better than the emotional pain that is inflicted on me. How i wish everything can end, ending every problem that i have to face ends... ...maybe this is going to be the time when i enjoy PEACE... ...too loss for words.
-siqi
♡
February 2006