Thursday, May 22, 2008 
8:14 PM ♥
After meeting Kim today in school and having to learn God's word from my shepherd's shepherd, i really feel much better now. I used to magnify my problems so big, thinking there was no solution to my problem. But after today, i can see that all my problems are insignificant as compared to God. God's problem is even way too huge as compared to a peanut problem of mine. I learned about this word 'JOY' today; Firstly, i live for JESUS; Secondly, i live for OTHERS; and lastly i live for YOURSELF (myself). This theory really untied the knots in my heart, i have to make a first step before JESUS can make a thousand steps. After solving this part of my problem, it is now for me to work towards the other problems. I really do not want to fall into depression; i do not want the misery to continue to cling on me and affecting the others. I now really believe in the word 'addiction', i really understand why drugs, smoking are addicitive. Once you start, it seems impossible to stop. It is not me not believing in the strength of God to help me overcome my problems, it is just quite hard for me to battle all this myself. I really feel very weak at times,feeling that i am may collapse at any moment. Now, i am like stuck in the mud with a problem; 'addiction' for me to cut myself. It has already gradually becoming a habit of mine to cut myself whenever i feel depressed. This is really the time where i really need God's help and self control. But, it is really hard for me to stop. I really do not know what can i do other than cutting myself, other than telling God. Oh my gosh, i am like doing it again today already. I thought of seeking help through counselling or taking anti-depressant, maybe that will help me before i go crazy.
I really do not feel like going service this saturday. Firstly, i really scared of going to church alone. Maybe because i am still quite unfamiliar with the CG members, so i really do not know what i can talk to them about. Seriously, i am someone who really cannot open up myself easily, i also do not tend to trust people easily. I guess that i am jsut afraid, trying to keep a distance from others. But i am really going to step out of my comfort zone. This is also one of my camp goals. Secondly, i just feel really uncomfortable in church with too many people around me. It is really awesome that the church is going in the sense, it just seems like a phobia to me. I think that should be all for me today.
MY CAMP GOAL
1. Able to step out of my comfort zone - get to know more people
2. Able to achieve spiritual breakthrough - able to speak better in tongues
3. Able to have strong commitment in GOD - having more faith in Him
-siQi
♡ 
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Thursday, May 22, 2008 8:14 PM ♥
After meeting Kim today in school and having to learn God's word from my shepherd's shepherd, i really feel much better now. I used to magnify my problems so big, thinking there was no solution to my problem. But after today, i can see that all my problems are insignificant as compared to God. God's problem is even way too huge as compared to a peanut problem of mine. I learned about this word 'JOY' today; Firstly, i live for JESUS; Secondly, i live for OTHERS; and lastly i live for YOURSELF (myself). This theory really untied the knots in my heart, i have to make a first step before JESUS can make a thousand steps. After solving this part of my problem, it is now for me to work towards the other problems. I really do not want to fall into depression; i do not want the misery to continue to cling on me and affecting the others. I now really believe in the word 'addiction', i really understand why drugs, smoking are addicitive. Once you start, it seems impossible to stop. It is not me not believing in the strength of God to help me overcome my problems, it is just quite hard for me to battle all this myself. I really feel very weak at times,feeling that i am may collapse at any moment. Now, i am like stuck in the mud with a problem; 'addiction' for me to cut myself. It has already gradually becoming a habit of mine to cut myself whenever i feel depressed. This is really the time where i really need God's help and self control. But, it is really hard for me to stop. I really do not know what can i do other than cutting myself, other than telling God. Oh my gosh, i am like doing it again today already. I thought of seeking help through counselling or taking anti-depressant, maybe that will help me before i go crazy.
I really do not feel like going service this saturday. Firstly, i really scared of going to church alone. Maybe because i am still quite unfamiliar with the CG members, so i really do not know what i can talk to them about. Seriously, i am someone who really cannot open up myself easily, i also do not tend to trust people easily. I guess that i am jsut afraid, trying to keep a distance from others. But i am really going to step out of my comfort zone. This is also one of my camp goals. Secondly, i just feel really uncomfortable in church with too many people around me. It is really awesome that the church is going in the sense, it just seems like a phobia to me. I think that should be all for me today.
MY CAMP GOAL
1. Able to step out of my comfort zone - get to know more people
2. Able to achieve spiritual breakthrough - able to speak better in tongues
3. Able to have strong commitment in GOD - having more faith in Him
-siQi
♡
February 2006