Wednesday, November 09, 2011 7:36 PM ♥


The more I smile in front of others, the sadder I felt.
Yes, I am just pretending to be okay.

siqin

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Monday, March 14, 2011 1:44 AM ♥


I’m now in a state of confusion. Things may seems pretty straightforward, but somehow somewhat there is this complexity which I find it hard to explain. Perhaps things happen too fast that I’m not mentally prepared for the changes. I’m not trying to imply that changes are bad, but when things happen a bit way ‘too fast’, I’m kind of overwhelmed by it. This really brings out the point that the world continues to spin and people continue to move on whether we decide we stay put or move forward. Seriously, no one is a necessity. The world is spinning just fine with or without me.

~siqi~

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Wednesday, March 02, 2011 2:45 AM ♥


I am not a sentimental person in nature. But perhaps the long hours of me doing nothing brought me to do some thinking. I feel really sad when I recalled how I used to be closed to ‘this person’, but all of a sudden things become so awkward now, walking pass each other with a superficial greeting like ‘Hi’ or ‘How are you doing lately?’. Seriously, I don’t need superficial friends.
Things got worse when it occurs on people I know from the Church. ‘Once bitten, twice shy’, how can I not be wary when I try to make friends in Church?! I know that not all the people I know are like that, but I can’t help myself but to be fearful of them. It creep me out to think that for a moment we could be like a ‘family’, but in another moment we could be familiar strangers. How scary is that?!
Many people think I am someone who is very ‘on’ and steady. But the truth is that I fear that if I don’t join in, I may never get the opportunity to do things with that person again. I’m afraid of losing a friend to time. I think I have many failed friendship to time. Time flushes every commonality and bland every relationship. What are left are basically memories … …

-siqi

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Thursday, February 24, 2011 2:45 AM ♥


Have not slept, not because I couldn't but I want to study a bit more for my Chemistry before I go to my lala land. Feel empty all the time, wondering about your purpose and goal in life etc. Thinking of how to self-improve, thinking of what to do to become a better person . . . . . .
I guess the first thing I need to do is to learn to love. I am someone who can simply give up everything for the one I loved, and also to detest someone when the person is totally unlovable. But looking at how God love the unlovable me, I can't help but to ponder on what I can do to become more like Him. I dont' want to go around saying things like, " I don't care how people look at me", " accept the way I am" etc. It is true that other people should be able to accept who you are, BUT it doesn't mean that we don't have to constantly change for the better. I care about how people look at me when other loved one are concerned. I don't want them to accept who I am, my bad temper and stubborness.

I just want to make life better for everyone, that's all.

siqin

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Friday, December 31, 2010 3:07 PM ♥


It has been a long while since i last meet up with the Hubbers. Anyway it's quite cool there we are meeting up once again in such a joyful occassion, which is Christmas at Rico's place. (FYI: Christmas lasts for 12 days!!)

Credit to Rico for the photos.





I got a small water bottle from the gift exchange. Kind of cool because i got myself both a big and a small water bottles for this Christmas,so now no excuse for me not to drink more water and less on carbonated drinks.
Cheers!
`siqi`




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Sunday, December 26, 2010 4:43 PM ♥


Christmas Day sneak in like a thief, catching me unprepared for it. I barely bought anything for the people around me, except for my family members.

I spent my Christmas eve attending the church celebration 'Love Storey' at Suntec Convention Hall along with the NYP peeps and some fellow friends from China. It's really upon my conversation with them which makes me realised how much i have lost 'touch' with my Chinese. I couldn't really communicate with them due to the lack of my vocabulary!

(Photos credit to Wei Kang and Cai Juan)



Dinner was at Marina Square 'Just Acia' before we went to the Esplanade rooftop garden for our very own 'NYP Christmas Countdown' event.



A Christmas toast from Xiao Yuan. (It's probably my first time to see someone popping the sparkling juice before the clock strike 12am! opps :X)


The assemble of the 'NYP Cabbing Department'.

After the countdown was followed by a movie session at Cineleisure.
But how did i spent the actual Christmas Day????
I spent most of my time sleeping (because i went to sleep only at 7am), and waking up around 6pm.
This is how i spent my Christmas night!
~siqi~

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Wednesday, November 24, 2010 4:56 PM ♥


Know what, God answered my prayer . . . maybe not really a prayer, but he DEFINTELY free me from all the hatred and anger I had for the past few months

After promising to let all the hatred go, I really prayed and ask God to guide, as well as to direct me. I am too weak to undergo such obstacles on my own.I cried, I seek, keep asking God to help me. I fell once, and I seriously think that was enough. One more fall with God and I will just collapse for good. Really want thank God for standing by all the while. I wasnt suffering along, he was beside me, all the way. But I do feel hurt when the kind of reaction I recieved wasn't what I have expected. I merely expect a reconcilliation, no matter whose fault is it. I don't want to be caught in the blame game again and making the cycle go round again. Back to what I was saying, I was really hurt when I got the response and I just cried. I cried because I was sad that things could't get to normal and that I was happy that I finally have the courage to take the first step. Praise to the Lord! At least now I know that I have done my part and is no longer me who is obstructing the reconcilliation. I merely try to be a good salt and light. I am far from being godly. But at the end of the whole thing, I know that God grow me in my reliance towards him and my faith in him. I feel like I have just awoken from the darkest nightmare of my life =)

siqin

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Saturday, November 20, 2010 12:10 AM ♥


Does it consider as a pleasant surprise, knowing that people around do not know that I’m a Christian? Perhaps it’s a wake-up reminder for me that I’m simply not behaving like one. It’s quite true that since the end of semester one, I have been engaged in various non-spiritual activities which unconsciously drifted me away from God. In additional to that, I’m pre-occupied on the Saturday for dragon-boat practice, constantly missing out the chance to come back to God again. Today is really the day I need to repent and start living for God again.

siqi.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010 12:21 AM ♥


"Highlights of the HOLIDAYS after attachments"
featuring the memorable events which have took place... ...
*Disclaimer: Doesn't mean the rest of the events are not memorable, but i got NO PHOTO!!!!!



PT03 gathering at Charissa's place,




NYP Mooncake festival at Vivocity,





Cruise to Redang,








Clubbing at Powerhouse,







Daniel and Hui mei's wedding at Hort Park,






hopefully many more events to come before the holiday ends... ...
i'm super look forward to the NYP trip to JB!!!
#siqi#


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Saturday, September 18, 2010 2:12 AM ♥


An official end of the 5 days clinical placement at KK Hosiptal.









I'm random enough to join the CGH people for dinner at Bedok Simpang.


-siqi-





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Thursday, September 09, 2010 3:04 AM ♥


Just stepped into my brand new uni life a few days ago. I was rather kind of busy with the lectures and tutorial, including finding the venues for lesson. Staying in hall comfortably now because I have bought the essential things into the hall, and have mopped the floor already. In the past few days, I can really see how ui life really change my way of life such that I sleep lesser now and more focused. I have tons of things to do such that I don't even want waste my time on dwelling in the unhappy things. I keep telling myself that, " Once I graduate from NTU, I want to go for further studies in countries like Canada or UK" And i am really glad that I think that way, because I feel much stronger

Honestly just now I was reading through her blog. Reason is just to see if I am okay already. I know this sound stupid but ever since I got myself into so much trouble, I keep telling myself that my life worth something more. I definetely deserve more than what I have now because I can have a bright future ahead. When I saw the different kind of experience that they had together, the first thing I thought is that ' I rather not have any experiences that are similar to whaever they have done before'. I know I sound rather selfish but I don't want to make things so difficult for myself. The busy life I am having now is the best medicine for my 'heart problem'.
I just want to say that if I knew that what I thought was unique to me is merely a replication of their past experience then I rather not have it at all. I rather not went to feed the monkey, go genting together, . . . . . . I want to treat myself better from today onward, I swear. I want to find back who I used to be before I was hurt to this extent.

I believe God loves me more than this and He has a much better plan for me than this =)

Thank Shiyu for always listening to me and comfort me. I am really glad that you are always there to help me up when I break down. Love you !!! And thank Jia Hao for listening to me too when I suddely just emo. At least I manage to get out of my emo-ness and not continue dwell in my negative worse. I know it was really very radom. Not forgetting yujun, thank for talking to me too. At least it helps to distract me a bit. =)

anway off to bed now because I seriously have no mood for CBC811 Forsenic Science now . . .
BOO!!!

siqin

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Sunday, September 05, 2010 5:38 PM ♥


I guess blogging is the best way to rent out the unhappiness and frustration that is within me w/o having to know peoples' response when they know about it



I find it hard, real hard to accept some of the things that have happened in my life. I wonder why am I being so hard on myself because verbally and mentally, I have chose to go on with life. But deep down in my heart, things seem as if I have never moved on. I carry all the bits and pieces of disappointment along with me. The worse part is that I can't express my disappointment out openly for the fear of hurting other people in the process. God did help me to get over with it a bit, but I will uncontrollably let my emotion overwhelm me when things trigger me to recall the events that had happened. And i agree that curiosity kills a cat because many times, out of curiosity, I get to know things that I will be better off not knowing it. And the most deadly source is none other than facebook ( that i go all the time) and blog post. I always thought that I am ready to face it but it always end up affecting my mood.

Siqin

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Tuesday, August 31, 2010 1:54 PM ♥


Pictures from Cynosure Ball 2010


somehow I lost the momentum to blog about my life
After having a htht yesterday, I realise how much God has been doing in my life. I always feel so inferior in front of the other brothers and sisters because I always feel that I have not being a good salt & light. I have not been keeping up with my spiritual habits etc. But through the conversation yesterday, I see how God helps me to change my hatred and anger within me into peace.
God, do you know I feel so weak. I need your strength to continue fight against my anger & hatred, couage to continue walking this uneven route, wisdom to handle situation and faith to believe that you have the best installed for me. God I am sure you see how much I give in & struggle to give in. I am so fearful of recalling my Bali Trip now. Everytime I think of it all my hurts will just burst out. I trust you Lord, that one day you will heal this wound in me.
siqin


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Wednesday, August 25, 2010 11:32 AM ♥


I told myself that I will never forget what you have did to me, because it hurt me so much by the fact that you choose to hide things from me. Somemore, when I was not around in Singapore. You betray the trust I have in you, that you will be honest to me. Just like how honest I am to you.

siqin

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Tuesday, August 24, 2010 1:39 AM ♥


Random pic uploaded
Bali Trip & arcade photos credit to Tien Ling, Corrina b'dea gift aka Qin Pei fan club poster
photos credit to Pui Wah. The rest to me !
K-session photos credit to Zixu
5D4N Bali Trip


6 Month Anniversary + Friday Date



Dinner + Arcade with some SPMS peeps



Making of Corrina's b'dea + Qin Pei's fan club poster + Corrina's b'dea surprise

K-session with Cuties


I acknowledge that I was super upset by the fact that I never got into the hall camp. I mean I am super pissed off. But this means more time for me to do what I want before uni life unfold .
Have been planning to go exercise so that I can wear my new sport shoe but it always fail. I always can't find the motivation to push myself to exercise. Probably will try jogging these few days.
Well, maybe I really can't take disappointment. That's why I told myself not to ever have expexctation or hope on people again, because I fear disappointment. I am afraid I can't handle them. If I don't expect anything that if I get it, I take it as a bonus for me. If don't, I won't be so affected by it. I know this is so selfish of me, but probably this is the best for me now.
Don't get it wrong, it doesn't mean I don't trust people or blaming other people. It is just me. I just want to help myself cope better for now.
God, I pray you will take the disappointment in my heart away soon.
siqin

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