Wednesday, November 09, 2011 7:36 PM

The more I smile in front of others, the sadder I felt.
Yes, I am just pretending to be okay.


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Monday, March 14, 2011 1:44 AM

I’m now in a state of confusion. Things may seems pretty straightforward, but somehow somewhat there is this complexity which I find it hard to explain. Perhaps things happen too fast that I’m not mentally prepared for the changes. I’m not trying to imply that changes are bad, but when things happen a bit way ‘too fast’, I’m kind of overwhelmed by it. This really brings out the point that the world continues to spin and people continue to move on whether we decide we stay put or move forward. Seriously, no one is a necessity. The world is spinning just fine with or without me.


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Wednesday, March 02, 2011 2:45 AM

I am not a sentimental person in nature. But perhaps the long hours of me doing nothing brought me to do some thinking. I feel really sad when I recalled how I used to be closed to ‘this person’, but all of a sudden things become so awkward now, walking pass each other with a superficial greeting like ‘Hi’ or ‘How are you doing lately?’. Seriously, I don’t need superficial friends.
Things got worse when it occurs on people I know from the Church. ‘Once bitten, twice shy’, how can I not be wary when I try to make friends in Church?! I know that not all the people I know are like that, but I can’t help myself but to be fearful of them. It creep me out to think that for a moment we could be like a ‘family’, but in another moment we could be familiar strangers. How scary is that?!
Many people think I am someone who is very ‘on’ and steady. But the truth is that I fear that if I don’t join in, I may never get the opportunity to do things with that person again. I’m afraid of losing a friend to time. I think I have many failed friendship to time. Time flushes every commonality and bland every relationship. What are left are basically memories … …


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Thursday, February 24, 2011 2:45 AM

Have not slept, not because I couldn't but I want to study a bit more for my Chemistry before I go to my lala land. Feel empty all the time, wondering about your purpose and goal in life etc. Thinking of how to self-improve, thinking of what to do to become a better person . . . . . .
I guess the first thing I need to do is to learn to love. I am someone who can simply give up everything for the one I loved, and also to detest someone when the person is totally unlovable. But looking at how God love the unlovable me, I can't help but to ponder on what I can do to become more like Him. I dont' want to go around saying things like, " I don't care how people look at me", " accept the way I am" etc. It is true that other people should be able to accept who you are, BUT it doesn't mean that we don't have to constantly change for the better. I care about how people look at me when other loved one are concerned. I don't want them to accept who I am, my bad temper and stubborness.

I just want to make life better for everyone, that's all.


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Friday, December 31, 2010 3:07 PM

It has been a long while since i last meet up with the Hubbers. Anyway it's quite cool there we are meeting up once again in such a joyful occassion, which is Christmas at Rico's place. (FYI: Christmas lasts for 12 days!!)

Credit to Rico for the photos.

I got a small water bottle from the gift exchange. Kind of cool because i got myself both a big and a small water bottles for this Christmas,so now no excuse for me not to drink more water and less on carbonated drinks.

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Sunday, December 26, 2010 4:43 PM

Christmas Day sneak in like a thief, catching me unprepared for it. I barely bought anything for the people around me, except for my family members.

I spent my Christmas eve attending the church celebration 'Love Storey' at Suntec Convention Hall along with the NYP peeps and some fellow friends from China. It's really upon my conversation with them which makes me realised how much i have lost 'touch' with my Chinese. I couldn't really communicate with them due to the lack of my vocabulary!

(Photos credit to Wei Kang and Cai Juan)

Dinner was at Marina Square 'Just Acia' before we went to the Esplanade rooftop garden for our very own 'NYP Christmas Countdown' event.

A Christmas toast from Xiao Yuan. (It's probably my first time to see someone popping the sparkling juice before the clock strike 12am! opps :X)

The assemble of the 'NYP Cabbing Department'.

After the countdown was followed by a movie session at Cineleisure.
But how did i spent the actual Christmas Day????
I spent most of my time sleeping (because i went to sleep only at 7am), and waking up around 6pm.
This is how i spent my Christmas night!

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Wednesday, November 24, 2010 4:56 PM

Know what, God answered my prayer . . . maybe not really a prayer, but he DEFINTELY free me from all the hatred and anger I had for the past few months

After promising to let all the hatred go, I really prayed and ask God to guide, as well as to direct me. I am too weak to undergo such obstacles on my own.I cried, I seek, keep asking God to help me. I fell once, and I seriously think that was enough. One more fall with God and I will just collapse for good. Really want thank God for standing by all the while. I wasnt suffering along, he was beside me, all the way. But I do feel hurt when the kind of reaction I recieved wasn't what I have expected. I merely expect a reconcilliation, no matter whose fault is it. I don't want to be caught in the blame game again and making the cycle go round again. Back to what I was saying, I was really hurt when I got the response and I just cried. I cried because I was sad that things could't get to normal and that I was happy that I finally have the courage to take the first step. Praise to the Lord! At least now I know that I have done my part and is no longer me who is obstructing the reconcilliation. I merely try to be a good salt and light. I am far from being godly. But at the end of the whole thing, I know that God grow me in my reliance towards him and my faith in him. I feel like I have just awoken from the darkest nightmare of my life =)


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