Thursday, February 05, 2009 
4:26 PM ♥
SiQin is NOT okay
she is very stress nowadays, thank to her studies and her CCA
she is so stress that she keep coughing ( * those who know me very well know that i will start to cough non-stop when i m very stress)
she is so stress that food no longer seem appealing to her anymore
she sleep less than 5 hours a day because of her studies
how? how? how?
tell me what should I do next
drop one H2 or give up my CCA ?
God somehow pointed out this today to me, during PE lesson
well, I guess those in the class will know that I stop halfway today after running the one and a half round. And i was almost going to cry. Well, God somehow show to me that I am giving myself far too much pressure. I had a strong desire to win, because SIQIN hates losing. Hence, I am always pushing myself to do what I don't like. Just like how I force myself to run though I know clearly that I am not feeling well, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps people do not know what is exactly happening in my life, especailly yesterday and today. It really affected me alot.
Well, I had a serious arguement with my parents yesterday. And I ended up hating everyone because I feel that people are betraying my trust towards them. I don't understand why people keep lying to me and not honouring their word. Do they treat me like a fool? People use hurtful words when they are angry. Did they think about how these words can hurt me? I am someone who get hurt easily, especailly when I am already very stress with my way of life. I really feel like giving up sometimes because I feel that I am alone. My parents even said that they want to disown me yesterday etc. that really hurt me. Nobody takes my word seriously and my parents don't believe me at all. They rather choose to believe other people than believing in what their daughter say. In the class, I feel so not use to it. I prefer the past 08S21 where I can really hang out with the classmate. ( I don't mean the class in not good, is just that I cannot adapt so well) Life is really very meaningless to me. I just wanted someone to talk to. I don't want to be doing everything on my own because I can no longer hold on.
God came into the picture once again. He reminded me how he had save my life during Chinese New Year when I actually attempted sucide. I didn't really tell anyone about it. But God save me through a phone call from my aunt. This scene really remind me of God's unfailing love for me. I have been too engrossed with worldly things that I simply just choose to ignore him.
I choose to be honest in my posting because I don't want to put on a mask anymore. No point being so tough because I really dread of eturning into my sec 4 life. No point leading an unhappy life even if I am doing well in my studies. Furthermore, I am still doing okay. Just that I am comparing myself with the 'elites' who are far much better than me.
Anyway, still want to thank the couple, Yen Lin and Wen Wei for taking care of me today during PE lesson. I will take good care of myself. =)
and also to Aihui, I will treasure my life. =)
( we had been talking about sucide and I told her about my sucide attempt)
Siqin
♡ 
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Thursday, February 05, 2009 4:26 PM ♥
SiQin is NOT okay
she is very stress nowadays, thank to her studies and her CCA
she is so stress that she keep coughing ( * those who know me very well know that i will start to cough non-stop when i m very stress)
she is so stress that food no longer seem appealing to her anymore
she sleep less than 5 hours a day because of her studies
how? how? how?
tell me what should I do next
drop one H2 or give up my CCA ?
God somehow pointed out this today to me, during PE lesson
well, I guess those in the class will know that I stop halfway today after running the one and a half round. And i was almost going to cry. Well, God somehow show to me that I am giving myself far too much pressure. I had a strong desire to win, because SIQIN hates losing. Hence, I am always pushing myself to do what I don't like. Just like how I force myself to run though I know clearly that I am not feeling well, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps people do not know what is exactly happening in my life, especailly yesterday and today. It really affected me alot.
Well, I had a serious arguement with my parents yesterday. And I ended up hating everyone because I feel that people are betraying my trust towards them. I don't understand why people keep lying to me and not honouring their word. Do they treat me like a fool? People use hurtful words when they are angry. Did they think about how these words can hurt me? I am someone who get hurt easily, especailly when I am already very stress with my way of life. I really feel like giving up sometimes because I feel that I am alone. My parents even said that they want to disown me yesterday etc. that really hurt me. Nobody takes my word seriously and my parents don't believe me at all. They rather choose to believe other people than believing in what their daughter say. In the class, I feel so not use to it. I prefer the past 08S21 where I can really hang out with the classmate. ( I don't mean the class in not good, is just that I cannot adapt so well) Life is really very meaningless to me. I just wanted someone to talk to. I don't want to be doing everything on my own because I can no longer hold on.
God came into the picture once again. He reminded me how he had save my life during Chinese New Year when I actually attempted sucide. I didn't really tell anyone about it. But God save me through a phone call from my aunt. This scene really remind me of God's unfailing love for me. I have been too engrossed with worldly things that I simply just choose to ignore him.
I choose to be honest in my posting because I don't want to put on a mask anymore. No point being so tough because I really dread of eturning into my sec 4 life. No point leading an unhappy life even if I am doing well in my studies. Furthermore, I am still doing okay. Just that I am comparing myself with the 'elites' who are far much better than me.
Anyway, still want to thank the couple, Yen Lin and Wen Wei for taking care of me today during PE lesson. I will take good care of myself. =)
and also to Aihui, I will treasure my life. =)
( we had been talking about sucide and I told her about my sucide attempt)
Siqin
♡
February 2006